Taking care of myself was never at the top of my list.
I would do for others and ignore anything I had to do personally for fear of no longer being accepted. This stems from years of ridicule at the hands of classmates and so-called “friends” growing up in Queens, NY. All I ever wanted to be was “cool” and part of the popular crowds, so much so that whenever they needed anything, I was there.
After leaving the area, I never really encountered the same sort of bullying again, but the feeling of wanting to be accepted was firmly in place. Only until recently did I finally vanquish that reality and decide to be selfish and do for me.
What Changed My Mind?
The 75 Hard Challenge has been a game-changer. Outside of getting healthier, my mindset had done a serious 180 and put the spotlight on myself. I wake up every day thinking about how I can get closer to my goals in life if I just keep going and stick to the plan.
In the beginning, I was trying to justify the daily tasks by telling myself I’m losing weight. Little did I know that reading would be the greatest benefit. I read a total of 5 books during the span of 75 Hard and never stopped. That was the first thing I started to do for myself without permission from others. I started to understand what Johnny 5 meant in that 80’s movie “Short Circuit” – I wanted all the input!
After the challenge ended, I kept the tasks in check daily. I realized drinking was no longer a necessity when hanging with friends. It was easy for me to say no because I knew it was bad for me and would lead to bad decisions or actions. I also no longer cared what others would think of me if I didn’t drink.
Where Does Being Selfish Come In?
Well, I really no longer care for anything that doesn’t interest me or benefit me in some way. I’ve begun the process of cutting off all negative attributes because I simply don’t have time for the bullshit. Negative energy brings you down and you don’t need that in your life! Trust me!
I don’t work a million hours anymore either. My clients are very important to me, and I bend over backwards for them, but only between the hours of 9 am to 5 pm. Other than that, I’m on me time and how I choose to spend it is my business. I don’t feel guilty, I don’t feel like I have to justify it, and I do whatever the fuck I want.
Let’s say it together: I DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!
Be Selfish and Don’t Feel Bad!
No one knows how long their life will span. It could all end tomorrow and if it did, would you be happy with how you spent your time? Would you be happy with how you treated yourself? As of right now, I am not satisfied with how I lived all aspects of my life.
But that’s gonna change.
I started to set appointments for myself. I see my chiropractor every two weeks to make sure my body is in tip-top shape. My barber and I have a standing 10 am appointment every other Tuesday to make sure I look fresh. Jill and I go to breakfast every Saturday morning at The Berkshire because it’s our spot and we have great conversations. Those things make me happy and it’s how I want to spend my time. Fuck everything else. I’ll deal with it when I have time, if at all.
I know it sounds like a bit much, but so what. Aren’t you worth it? Do you want to spend your whole life wishing you did more for yourself? I know I don’t.
It’s okay to be selfish.